1. Never slap a
man who's chewin' tobacco.
2. Good judgment
comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
3. Lettin' the
cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.
4. If you're ridin'
ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make
sure it's still there.
5. If you get to
thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody
else's dog around.
6. Never kick a
cow chip on a hot day.
7. There's two
theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
8. If you find
yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
9. Don't squat
with your spurs on.
10. It don't take
a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
11. Always drink
upstream from the herd.
12. Never miss
a good chance to shut up.
13. There are three
kinds of people: The ones that learn by readin', the few who
learn by observation, and the rest of them who have to touch
the fire to see for themselves if it's really hot.
A guy goes into the Vet with a very
sick dog. The dog dies as the Vet is examining him. He tells
the customer,"I'm sorry the dog is dead". The guy says,
"I just can't believe this, are you sure he's dead?"
The Vet offers to get a second opinion and the guy says yes,
please! So the Vet brings in a labrador. The labrador licks this
dog all over, then looks at theVet and barks 2 times. The Vet
looks at the customer and says,"The labrador agrees .. the
dog is DEAD!" The guy is still belly aching and the Vet
offers a third opinion, the guy accepts. This time the Vet brings
in a cat. The cat walks all over the dead dog and sniffs every
inch of him and meows to the Vet. The Vet tells the customer,
"The cat agrees he's dead". So, the guy accepts the
fact that his dog is dead and gets out his wallet to pay the
bill. The Vet says, "That'll be $125.00". The guy says,
"WHAT? I just brought my dog in here and he died! The Vet
says, "Well, my normal office call is $45.00, but with the
lab test and the cat scan it comes to $125.00".